Today was better than yesterday. I definitely had my moments, but as a whole it wasn't terrible. I went out to lunch with Bree, and then went to the used bookstore and comic book store. I keep spending money. I really need to keep this in check, but damn if buying stuff doesn't make me feel better. I'm going out to play pool in a little bit. I feel kind of apathetic about it, but I think that doing stuff is the best way to get my mind off of things. I was in a rut earlier though. I have this problem where I dwell on things and think the "would'a, could'a, should'as". Again, not the healthiest thing, but I can't help it. Zuma (my awesome cat) has a cut on her neck, and it looks a little inflamed and the first thought on my mind was, "I should show this to Adam, he will no what to do". I wonder how long those thoughts are going to keep popping up. It wasn't too fun to have it. I think I need to cut myself some slack. I'm trying to portray this image of complete stability and sanity, and that really isn't the case. It is like I don't want anyone to know how I am feeling, yet I am typing a blog about it. oh well. It is nice to type it out and let it into the ether. I went to Barnes and Nobles earlier looking for a book called "Bitter girls" or something, about how to deal with breakups by becoming a bitter girl. heh. Then I had a thought of going over to his house and plastering his car with Obama stickers. Just a thought though, I wouldn't actually do that. Because I am a nice person. Just ask anyone.

Exersices

I did them today. I didn't initially want to, but I'm glad I did. I guess endorphins are good for the heart. And loud music. lots and lots of loud angry, bitter music. And alcohol.
Today went better at work. It actually went pretty well until my coworker went home and I was there by myself. No customers, just shitty love songs on the radio. I'm doing better now. I have to clean my house some more before my landlord comes tomorrow. I don't really want to do that, but I guess it will keep me busy. Then I think I'll go off to Blockbuster and rent a movie? Or to Barnes and Nobles and buy some books on how to get over heartbreak. I'm new to this. It sucks. It feels like a part of me has been ripped out. I can't believe I was so blind to this. I kept making excuses, thinking that if only I were a better ... person? girlfriend? ... that things would be okay, and that if I pretended enough, I could pretend to feel the feelings coming back at me. I hated going to Trader Joes today, I was so fearful that I would run into him. I still kind of am. I just don't want to see him. I have a shit ton of his books and dvds too. I guess I'll deal with it later, but I have a feeling I won't want to see him then either. The more I think about it (which is a lot) the angrier I get. My mom said that he used me. I don't feel that way. I feel taken. He could have been honest with me a long time ago, and really saved me a lot of this pain. I really don't think it takes a year and a half to realize that you don't love somebody. shit. I knew a long time ago. Dammit. I want to write this and get it out. but I don't want him to read it. He probably already has. oh well. Maybe I do kind of want him to know how much he hurt me. just to make him a little uncomfortable. hopefully it does, but probably not. His heart is like steel.

...

I feel numb, and I can't stop crying.
Thanks, jerkface.
I have a million and one things to say, and you deserve none of them.

Day 3

I did my exercises, albeit the push-ups were a little half-assed. My legs are still super sore. I'm not hobbling around, but the front of my thighs are super tight. Anyone (out of the 0 people that read this) know any good stretches for that area?
I now wait 2 days then start week 2.

In other news, I've become a guide for chacha.com. The pay is pretty dismal (I make between 10 and 16 cents per question, with the majority of them being 10-12 cents), but since I'm sitting at my computer almost all day, it isn't too bad. Some of the questions are pretty interesting. For example, I love Coast to Coast Am. Last night I was listening to it, and someone asked which station it was on in Arizona. Anyways, that is what I am up to. Trying to exersice, ChaCha, solitare and drinking beer to offset the workouts. YAY.

Day 2

I almost didn't do the work out tonight. I have been so sore, hobbling around and whatnot, I really didn't want to do it. But I did. :D At 9:30 PM.

Push-ups (girly): Max:5
Sit ups: Max 19
Squats: Max 9

The way it works (using push ups as an example) is that I do this rotation:
3
(wait 60 seconds)
4
(wait)
2
(wait)
3
(wait)
Then do the maximum possible (at least 4).

Hope that clarifies some things.

I am not doing a lot by other people's standards, but I am damn out of shape, and this is hard for me. I am doing it anyways because I want to be in the shape I SHOULD be in.

I am so out of shape.

I was awesome and started that work out routine yesterday, and man oh man am I sore. I am nervous about tomorrow where I do day two exersices and step up a notch.
It really hits home how out of shape I am. I did a total of 20 squats yesterday, with sets of 3, 4, and 5. I can barely walk today. I did a total of maybe 10 push ups (I tried the girly kind and sort of succeeded. I just am sore. so sore.

Tomorrow is going to be tough, but I will do it! Eventually, I will not be so sore, and the fact that I am so sore after so little is pretty indicative that I NEED this.

Go ME!

100 days challenge

Warning: I am a girl and I am talking about my weight.

If I were more adept at HTML and that them there computer thingys, I would put in a "To read more click here" button. But, alas, I don't even know what one of those that them there thing-a-ma-jigs is called. I even start sentences with "But". (Shock!)

So, to get straight to the point, I am sick of being in no shape whatsoever. I guess you could call my shape not fat, but squishy, but what is that point? I am sick of trying on clothes and feeling gross. I am sick of making excuses. Starting tomorrow (wednesday) I am going to start the 100 day program on three fronts. Yes, this is probably a little excessive, and not the way they were designed, but I want to work all of my body. Curves worked great in the past, but I am nowhere near being able to afford a gym membership. So, to 100 day workouts I go. I am going to attempt all three, the pushups, situps and squats. I am starting in the very very far left category for all of them, and am even going to do wall pushups. (I wish I could do wall sit ups and wall squats). Because, frankly, I can't even do one single correct form pushup, or sit up, or squat. I want to change this. I want to be able to get off of the floor without struggling. I want to beable to walk up a flight of stairs without huffing, and I want to wear a tanktop with confidence. So I am attempting these. I am going to convert this blog for that purpose. It is not like anyone reads this thing anyways, and if they do, fuck you. it is called elle news, that means news about elle, even though elle is not my full name, you get the point! I start tomorrow on all three fronts. Wish me luck.

Ok, maybe I am too lazy for my own damn good, but upon further reflection (i.e. looking at the webpages I am using) it is not 100 days, but a 6 week program to 100 pushups, 200 situps, and 200 squats. in a row. in 6 weeks. this might, no, this will take more than six weeks. but in six weeks, when I stick to this, I am assured to be in better shape than I am today, and that much closer to a goal of 100 push ups, 200 situps, and 200 squats. in a row.

If you are curious, and incase I accidentally delete the bookmarks, the webpages I am using can be found here. You can find the situps and squats info from that site. Wish me luck!