I'm having a minor freakout and there is no one home. I've never done anything like this and I am nervous as all hell! BLLLLLLLARRRGHH. I wish I could have a drink.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Only 45 more minutes, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck....

Getting political.

Lou Pritchett is a former vice president of Procter & Gamble whose career at that company spanned 36 years before his retirement in 1989, and he is the author of the 1995 business book, Stop Paddling & Start Rocking the Boat. This open letter was sent to the New York Times but was never acknowledged or published.

Dear President Obama:

You are the thirteenth President under whom I have lived and unlike any of the others, you truly scare me.

You scare me because after months of exposure, I know nothing about you.

You scare me because I do not know how you paid for your expensive Ivy League education and your upscale lifestyle and housing with no visible signs of support.

You scare me because you did not spend the formative years of youth growing up in America and culturally you are not an American.

You scare me because you have never run a company or met a payroll.

You scare me because you have never had military experience, thus don't understand it at its core.

You scare me because you lack humility and 'class', always blaming others.

You scare me because for over half your life you have aligned yourself with radical extremists who hate America and you refuse to publicly denounce these radicals who wish to see America fail.

You scare me because you are a cheerleader for the 'blame America' crowd and deliver this message abroad.

You scare me because you want to change America to a European style country where the government sector dominates instead of the private sector.

You scare me because you want to replace our health care system with a government controlled one.

You scare me because you prefer 'wind mills' to responsibly capitalizing on our own vast oil, coal and shale reserves.

You scare me because you want to kill the American capitalist goose that lays the golden egg which provides the highest standard of living in the world.

You scare me because you have begun to use 'extortion' tactics against certain banks and corporations.

You scare me because your own political party shrinks from challenging you on your wild and irresponsible spending proposals.

You scare me because you will not openly listen to or even consider opposing points of view from intelligent people.

You scare me because you falsely believe that you are both omnipotent and omniscient.

You scare me because the media gives you a free pass on everything you do.

You scare me because you demonize and want to silence the Limbaughs, Hannitys, O'Relllys and Becks who offer opposing, conservative points of view.

You scare me because you prefer controlling over governing.

Finally, you scare me because if you serve a second term I will probably not feel safe in writing a similar letter in 8 years.

Lou Pritchett

The Hangover is a decent movie. I reccomend seeing it on dvd, whilst drinking. At the theatre alone it was chukle-worthy, but not great. In fact, I laughed the hardest for the trailer for Extract.
I've really been in a funk this week. Just moping around and feeling sorry for myself. It is not a fun place to be and I can't seem to get out of it. I stay up until 2am drinking, then drag myself out of bed around 12 to lounge at the computer. I don't know how to get out of this rut. I was looking forward to going to trivia toinght, but Bree didn't have the money, so I moped then got out of the house and watched the hangover. I am going home on Friday, so that should at the very least cure me of some of my boredom for a few days. Things are really tense between my sister and my mom right now and I'm not looking forward to being in the middle of that. plus theres the funeral thing for my nana. plus i'm sure my family is going to ask how my boyfriend is. such fun awaits me, after an 8 hour car ride! I do have a neat book on tape by the guy who wrote dune, so hopefully i'll get sucked into that. But really, I am in a self-pitying rut. Pandora keeps playing love songs and there is nothing on the internet. It is midnight and I should probably sleep, but I feel like getting a little tipsy and staying up. The roomate's 16 year old sister is here, but whatever. I can be the wierd fat alkie roomate. GAH. I need to magically get in a better mood!

Cat fact #1

Zuma eats her plastic placemat when she runs out of food. I am not a bad cat mommy, I am talking about 30 seconds after she eats the last kernel. WTF? And she looks up at me with sad eyes too.

Star Trek

I went and saw Star Trek tonight. It was awesome. Really really awesome. So awesome that I wish I had seen it sooner, and wish I had the funds to go see it 10 more times in the theatre. I went alone, and remembered how much I like seeing movies by myself. I am the type of person that likes to be fully immersed in the experience, and absolutely hates it when people talk to me during the film.
The movie made me cry a little, and laugh out loud, and jump out of my seat (then again I am quite easily startled), and root for Kirk. My only complaints about the film are these:

• Nimoy is fucking old
• Explosions/booms in space
• JJ Adam's tendency to shine bright lights and do really fast cuts in action scenes. I am not quite ADD enough to like this.
• Tattooed Romulans (then again, it alludes to the idea that these are not your run of the mill Romulans, think what would happen if Mike Tyson were the representation of humans).

I read somewhere, or heard one of my friends say, or something (I can't remember) that they hated the idea of a young crew being in charge of a ship. I completely agreed with this - until I saw the movie. They have a great explanation for everything, and I am going to marry the guy that plays Kirk. yum. Sorry, I lost my train of thought for a second.

Beneath my incoherent ramblings, I will say that this movie was fucking awesome and everyone who is lame like I was a few hours ago who hasn't seen this should go tomorrow and experience this on a big screen with surround sound. I'm sure the Hangover is just as good on a tiny tv, but Star Trek, not so much. And Leonard Nimoy is fucking old.

One of the funniest things I have seen in a long while

"I just wanted to make is snow!"

I feel like screaming and I can't explain it.
I need to get out of this house, and out of this town.
I have 2 weeks left until a vacation that begins and ends with an 8 hour drive, and a funeral in the middle.
I'm so fucking glad. :D

Book Club

So on this internet site that I go to constantly (www.fazed.net) we are doing a book club. We each selected a book and then voted, and guess whose book won? MINE. VICTORY! So, we are reading Cormac McCarthy's The Road. I picked it up last week at the used bookstore (for only $3!) and am about 60 pages in. Super fantastic. We had a huge thunderstorm last night, and it was right above my house for like 20 minutes. My roomate and I were at the window giggling like children. It was great. The lights were flickering, and my computer shut down, so I decided that I needed to read The Road by candlelight. While drinking wine. Well, wine and ice because it was so frickin hot. I'm lame, be quiet. Anyway, while reading by candlelight in a thunderstorm (awesome), Zuma comes up and it is quite apparant that she had never seen a candle before. I didn't stop her from getting close, because that is a lesson she needs to learn first hand, and she didn't get close enough to hurt herself, but she was so cute and curious.
Today marks one week of singlehood, and while on many levels it doesn't suck nearly as much as it did last Thursday, it still just feels kind of "blah".

My new favorite thing

I have been reading this thing all day, and it is now my new favorite webcomic. Even more so than Questionable Content, if you can believe it. Side note: Ex-boyfriend, I am a little vain for thinking that you read this, but if you do, this is right up your ally (besides the very infrequent subltle vote for obama comic, but really, the ratio is like 1:100). This is me being civil and nice. :)

Heh

Exhaustion test

When starting these programs, I had to take an exhaustion test to see where I would start. Today marked my second exhaustion test, which helps me get on track. Things went pretty poorly, but also pretty well.
Push-ups: 11 consecutive girly push-ups, which means that I get to redo week two on track 1!
Sit-ups: 20 crunches, so again, I redo week 2, track 1.
Squats: I did 40! This means that I not only get to advance onto week 3, but I get to do track 2!

Wow. I really surprised myself there, but I have a feeling that my ass will be super sore tomorrow. Heh.

On mental health news, today was much better. Leaps and bounds better. I am still sad, but not really for the loss of him, but the loss of what I envisioned my life to be. Does that make sense? I put all this thought and energy into a life that I thought I wanted, and it went poof. So now I start working on what my life should look like solo. I guess. I don't really want a solo life at all. In fact, soloing sucks, but I guess that is what I do. I've been listening to alot of loud bitter music, and smoking cigarettes. IT isn't healthy, but I am letting myself go for a week and then I will start to put the pieces back together. Tomorrow I am getting my hair cut off! I am a little nervous, as I do like my long hair, but it is not very manageable, and I need change. Plus, my hair grows super fast and will be back to a normal length in a few months anyways.
Tonight I am going to the bars. Yay.

Today was better than yesterday. I definitely had my moments, but as a whole it wasn't terrible. I went out to lunch with Bree, and then went to the used bookstore and comic book store. I keep spending money. I really need to keep this in check, but damn if buying stuff doesn't make me feel better. I'm going out to play pool in a little bit. I feel kind of apathetic about it, but I think that doing stuff is the best way to get my mind off of things. I was in a rut earlier though. I have this problem where I dwell on things and think the "would'a, could'a, should'as". Again, not the healthiest thing, but I can't help it. Zuma (my awesome cat) has a cut on her neck, and it looks a little inflamed and the first thought on my mind was, "I should show this to Adam, he will no what to do". I wonder how long those thoughts are going to keep popping up. It wasn't too fun to have it. I think I need to cut myself some slack. I'm trying to portray this image of complete stability and sanity, and that really isn't the case. It is like I don't want anyone to know how I am feeling, yet I am typing a blog about it. oh well. It is nice to type it out and let it into the ether. I went to Barnes and Nobles earlier looking for a book called "Bitter girls" or something, about how to deal with breakups by becoming a bitter girl. heh. Then I had a thought of going over to his house and plastering his car with Obama stickers. Just a thought though, I wouldn't actually do that. Because I am a nice person. Just ask anyone.

Exersices

I did them today. I didn't initially want to, but I'm glad I did. I guess endorphins are good for the heart. And loud music. lots and lots of loud angry, bitter music. And alcohol.
Today went better at work. It actually went pretty well until my coworker went home and I was there by myself. No customers, just shitty love songs on the radio. I'm doing better now. I have to clean my house some more before my landlord comes tomorrow. I don't really want to do that, but I guess it will keep me busy. Then I think I'll go off to Blockbuster and rent a movie? Or to Barnes and Nobles and buy some books on how to get over heartbreak. I'm new to this. It sucks. It feels like a part of me has been ripped out. I can't believe I was so blind to this. I kept making excuses, thinking that if only I were a better ... person? girlfriend? ... that things would be okay, and that if I pretended enough, I could pretend to feel the feelings coming back at me. I hated going to Trader Joes today, I was so fearful that I would run into him. I still kind of am. I just don't want to see him. I have a shit ton of his books and dvds too. I guess I'll deal with it later, but I have a feeling I won't want to see him then either. The more I think about it (which is a lot) the angrier I get. My mom said that he used me. I don't feel that way. I feel taken. He could have been honest with me a long time ago, and really saved me a lot of this pain. I really don't think it takes a year and a half to realize that you don't love somebody. shit. I knew a long time ago. Dammit. I want to write this and get it out. but I don't want him to read it. He probably already has. oh well. Maybe I do kind of want him to know how much he hurt me. just to make him a little uncomfortable. hopefully it does, but probably not. His heart is like steel.

...

I feel numb, and I can't stop crying.
Thanks, jerkface.
I have a million and one things to say, and you deserve none of them.

Day 3

I did my exercises, albeit the push-ups were a little half-assed. My legs are still super sore. I'm not hobbling around, but the front of my thighs are super tight. Anyone (out of the 0 people that read this) know any good stretches for that area?
I now wait 2 days then start week 2.

In other news, I've become a guide for chacha.com. The pay is pretty dismal (I make between 10 and 16 cents per question, with the majority of them being 10-12 cents), but since I'm sitting at my computer almost all day, it isn't too bad. Some of the questions are pretty interesting. For example, I love Coast to Coast Am. Last night I was listening to it, and someone asked which station it was on in Arizona. Anyways, that is what I am up to. Trying to exersice, ChaCha, solitare and drinking beer to offset the workouts. YAY.

Day 2

I almost didn't do the work out tonight. I have been so sore, hobbling around and whatnot, I really didn't want to do it. But I did. :D At 9:30 PM.

Push-ups (girly): Max:5
Sit ups: Max 19
Squats: Max 9

The way it works (using push ups as an example) is that I do this rotation:
3
(wait 60 seconds)
4
(wait)
2
(wait)
3
(wait)
Then do the maximum possible (at least 4).

Hope that clarifies some things.

I am not doing a lot by other people's standards, but I am damn out of shape, and this is hard for me. I am doing it anyways because I want to be in the shape I SHOULD be in.

I am so out of shape.

I was awesome and started that work out routine yesterday, and man oh man am I sore. I am nervous about tomorrow where I do day two exersices and step up a notch.
It really hits home how out of shape I am. I did a total of 20 squats yesterday, with sets of 3, 4, and 5. I can barely walk today. I did a total of maybe 10 push ups (I tried the girly kind and sort of succeeded. I just am sore. so sore.

Tomorrow is going to be tough, but I will do it! Eventually, I will not be so sore, and the fact that I am so sore after so little is pretty indicative that I NEED this.

Go ME!

100 days challenge

Warning: I am a girl and I am talking about my weight.

If I were more adept at HTML and that them there computer thingys, I would put in a "To read more click here" button. But, alas, I don't even know what one of those that them there thing-a-ma-jigs is called. I even start sentences with "But". (Shock!)

So, to get straight to the point, I am sick of being in no shape whatsoever. I guess you could call my shape not fat, but squishy, but what is that point? I am sick of trying on clothes and feeling gross. I am sick of making excuses. Starting tomorrow (wednesday) I am going to start the 100 day program on three fronts. Yes, this is probably a little excessive, and not the way they were designed, but I want to work all of my body. Curves worked great in the past, but I am nowhere near being able to afford a gym membership. So, to 100 day workouts I go. I am going to attempt all three, the pushups, situps and squats. I am starting in the very very far left category for all of them, and am even going to do wall pushups. (I wish I could do wall sit ups and wall squats). Because, frankly, I can't even do one single correct form pushup, or sit up, or squat. I want to change this. I want to be able to get off of the floor without struggling. I want to beable to walk up a flight of stairs without huffing, and I want to wear a tanktop with confidence. So I am attempting these. I am going to convert this blog for that purpose. It is not like anyone reads this thing anyways, and if they do, fuck you. it is called elle news, that means news about elle, even though elle is not my full name, you get the point! I start tomorrow on all three fronts. Wish me luck.

Ok, maybe I am too lazy for my own damn good, but upon further reflection (i.e. looking at the webpages I am using) it is not 100 days, but a 6 week program to 100 pushups, 200 situps, and 200 squats. in a row. in 6 weeks. this might, no, this will take more than six weeks. but in six weeks, when I stick to this, I am assured to be in better shape than I am today, and that much closer to a goal of 100 push ups, 200 situps, and 200 squats. in a row.

If you are curious, and incase I accidentally delete the bookmarks, the webpages I am using can be found here. You can find the situps and squats info from that site. Wish me luck!

Hectic Day!

Disclaimer - Personal post


Today has been so incredibly stressful. I casually send off an email to see If I need to take these 2 classes before I start the credential program. TURNS OUT I DO. AND CLASSES START MONDAY.
so I race around campus, having people tell me different things, find out I need to apply to graduate school and go through them. I applied and am waiting to find out if I can register for classes, so I can get into the credential program.
Then I go to my work and tell my boss that I can't work mondays. He is pretty fine with this, but now my hours are down to 10/16 everyother week. So I somehow need to pay my bills working minimum wage that amount of hours, and prepare myself for taking two 500 level classes. alskdjfa;lkwejrwlkje. I don't even know if I am going to get into the program, if I am going to get into these classes, what the hell my life is going to be in 3 months, nonetheless if I have the heart and the patience and the everything to become a teacher. The good thing that has come out of this is that my dad agreed to pay for it. no questions asked. I feel so guilty about this. Like I am abusing his generosity. I didn't take my undergrad seriously and my GPA reflects this, but I know that i need some further education if I want to do anything with my life. I AM gratefully, incredibly grateful that I have been blessed with a parent that CAN and WILL financially support me when I am unable. I just feel uneasy about it because I hate being one of those girls that runs to Daddy's credit card. I talked to my mom about it (they are divorced) and I can tell that she's not happy about it. She wants me to be financially independent and try and do this on my own. I have a feeling that this is mainly because she is unable to help more than a few bucks here and there. ARGH.

I'm drinking a beer and am calming down. I keep repeating, "Whatever happens will happen, everything is out of my hands at this very moment so stop stressing" to myself, and it seems to be working a little. I just hate having everything so up in the air. And I need a job. and some money. I was gonna buy a handgun with my tax return. I've been thinking about it for awhile, and I really think it would be a good thing for me to have, but now that money needs to be put towards rent. I'm working 20 hoursish less a month, which is a good chunck of change. gah. STOP IT. okay. I think I need to go take a shower. That always makes me feel better.

Real life OMGBBQWTF!111!!!!!!1

Courtesy of failblog

MOMENT OF PANIC!

I am bored, at home alone with only my pseudo-screwdriver (it is orange/mango juice) to console me, when I click stumbleupon. It responds with something to the tune of, "Sorry, we are out of webpages within your interests, please select some more."
I respond with
[GAH! I searched for this one .gif that was perfect. Searched far too long for the un-messed with version of this:

But, that is not what I want. I don't care about that fugly chick with the car. But, I have been looking for over the appropriate amount of time for the pic I want. This will have to do instead. Elle is a sad panda indeed.]

then restart my computer.
Everything is fine now.
/whew.

So yeah, after searching for the right gif for about 20 minutes (I know!!) I think I'll just watch Arrested Development and knit.

Things that Irritate me: I

On google news, which I was looking at on my blackberry (!!!!!!!), the news story "Obama Arrives in Style" was ahead of "Israel pounds Hamas; rocket fire continues". >< /facepalm.


--
Good news: while trying to link said news stories, I could not find the first online. Maybe they realized how completely irrevelant it was? (HOPEchangehopechange)
Bad news: the Obama story was from the Washington Post. GAH.

Supervolcano

Just sitting here browsing fark when this link pops up:

In recent years, Yellowstone's caldera has been rising thanks to uplifting magma beneath it—leading to more cracks, hot springs and even more frequent eruptions of Steamboat Geysers. Paired with the earthquakes, such magma movement might presage an eruption—either big or small. Unfortunately, scientists can't really predict when the next such eruption will happen, and the range of possibilities is large: from later today to a million years from now.

Has anyone else seen the discovery special, "Supervolcano"? This certifiably scares me. If the caldera were to erupt life as we know it would completely cease. The increase in the frequency of earthquakes scares me. The idea of the sky being blotted out by smoke and ash scares me. What my neighbors would do in this event scares me. The fact that Adam is visiting his mom, and not up here in Chico scares me. Gah! I need to go watch Wall-E again.

I know, I know, I do have a tendency to make everything a bigger deal than it really is. (although, if this were to happen, it would be a pretty freaking garganuatan ordeal.) The likely hood that this will happen in my lifetime is null. BUT IT WILL HAPPEN. That is the scary part, I guess. All this uncertainty of when (enter any number of) catastrophic events will happen, and the knowledge that they will happen someday really irks me. I am even the type of person that is a little freaked out by the idea that the sun will engulf the earth in a few million years.

Ok. I need to stop. On a lighter note, I got a Blackberry pearl yesterday and have browsed the internet from the toilet. There is no greater feeling. Ha!